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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29594289">i am truly in love with everything about you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijosakka/pseuds/kijosakka'>kijosakka</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>self-indulgent shit [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Implied Self Esteem Issues, M/M, Sad letters, Self projection, Unhappy Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:27:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29594289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijosakka/pseuds/kijosakka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>leo runs away.<br/>nico knows it's not his fault, but he thinks it is anyways.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nico di Angelo &amp; Leo Valdez, Nico di Angelo/Leo Valdez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>self-indulgent shit [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i am truly in love with everything about you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is 100% a self projection and nothing else</p><p>prompt: 'i hope you're happy'</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>it had been two months since the war with gaea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and two days since leo left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>nobody had any clue why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>just. . .one day he hadn’t shown up at breakfast, and nobody thought much of it. until he hadn’t shown up for lunch or dinner; in fact, nobody had seen him that day at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>finally, piper had gone to the hephaestus cabin, as well as bunker nine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he wasn’t there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>nico was hit hardest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was apparent to the argo ii. that nico and leo had formed a bond over the proceedings of the war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>n̶o̶b̶o̶d̶y̶ ̶k̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶d̶e̶e̶p̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶h̶i̶p̶ ̶r̶a̶n̶  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>in fact, the pale boy was one of the first people they went to, when leo was discovered missing; seeing how he’d reacted when leo “died”. they went to him, asking questions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>they didn’t receive an answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>n̶i̶c̶o̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶l̶e̶o̶'̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it was only when the italian himself went to investigate the bunker himself, did he find anything of substantial use. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it was a hidden compartment in the workbench the latino frequented oh so often. and there is where nico found the letters. the majority were useless scrabble. spanish words that were drawled on the paper in no particular fashion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>but. . .</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>two of them didn’t fit that criteria. both were addressed to nico.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>they started the same way, with loopy handwriting as though he tried to be professional, however, the semblance didn’t carry to the content. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ dear nico di angelo. . . </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it's been a while, hasn’t it? you know, you may have been a little bit trashy as a friend, but you indirectly helped me with so much. i don’t think you’ll ever understand how attached i was to you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>you were so difficult to figure out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i could usually decipher things about people so easily. but... you.. you were so different. so reserved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>you gave me relief from the world if only for minutes at a time. you made me smile. you made me so </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>you were so damn smart. you knew and understood so much. i admired you. i looked up to you. i loved you before i even thought about loving you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>you never had the healthiest coping mechanisms, did you? but. who am i to say anything? hahah. maybe that's why i started what i did. you rubbed off on me, di angelo. more jokes, less information. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>what i would give to be able to talk to you again. . .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>but </span>
</p><p>
  <span>would you do the same?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>are you still attached to me?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>do you still think about me at night?</span>
</p><p>or. . .</p><p>
  <span>have you forgotten me?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>are there other people that you think about at night?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>you miss me, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i'm not sure what i want to be true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>there are so many reasons i hate relationships. our requited love only made that hatred worse. i hated myself for being so in love with you. i fell so fucking hard. i hated how easily relationships could be torn apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it's unbelievable how reserved i’ve been since then. i’ve pushed away so many people. i’m so damn scared of falling in love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>relationships are so fragile. they are so easy to break. so easy to shatter. so easy to tear apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it’s not fair. i want to experience that happiness without fear of it going wrong. it's not fair. i want to be able to happily tell people that i’m dating a guy and them not look at me oddly for the rest of my life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it’s not fucking fair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>but when has anything ever been fair?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>maybe that's why i’m writing this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>a final goodbye. “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>nico’s breath caught in the back of his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>he wouldn’t feel the tears dripping down his face until later.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the second one was more recent looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>leo had been back to camp. nobody knew.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the second one was worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ dear nico di angelo. . .</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>hey. it's been some time, no?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i hate myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i hate myself because after all this time, i’m still fucking attached to you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>i’m still in love with you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>and i fucking hate myself for not being able to move on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>hell, i can only hope that i’m not the only one still brought to tears at the thought of the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>you.. you still.. you still like me, right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>i’m not the one hopelessly obsessed with the other, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>there's so much i thought of adding in my last letter, but i figured that defeated the purpose, huh?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>festus... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>festus told me that you said you missed me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>is that true?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>do you miss me as much as i miss you?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>not being in contact with you reminds me of when i hyperfixate on something so strongly that i’m brought to tears at not being able to experience it in person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>congratulations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>you have completely swept me off my feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i have fallen so hard for you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>i miss being able to talk to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i miss the ‘i love you’s in the morning, at night, any time at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i miss the stupid shit we would say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i miss it. i miss it. i miss it. i miss it. i miss it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>i want it back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>because i’m selfish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>i’m selfish and i want us to be together again. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>you made me smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>i loved you so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i still love you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i am still completely, utterly, and fully enamored with you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>these letters sure do have a theme, hm?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the first one was a summary of my feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>this one is me… having feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>i wonder what the third one will be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>i truly wonder if there will be a third one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>i still love you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and i never think that i’ll ever get over you. “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>nico still didn’t notice the tears staining his cheeks.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he could feel a sob build up in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>why did everybody he care about leave him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>into the shadows of the bunker-- </span>
  <span>i̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶-- the pale boy whispered, whispered with true hope and trembling hands;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ i hope you’re happy “</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>to answer anybody, no, im not doing okay lmao<br/>tell me if there are tw i need to add</p></blockquote></div></div>
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